He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
