Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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