she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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