I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
