I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
