it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
