I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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