How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
