i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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