Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
