do herpes really smell.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
