Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize