I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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