i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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