It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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