he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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