sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
