just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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