Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
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It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
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Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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