All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
