I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
