she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Randomize
