I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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