i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
