Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
