C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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