you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
