I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
