I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
