sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
