I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
