O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
