We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
