Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
All I want is dick and wine.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize