I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
