Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
