This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
