PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Randomize
