I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Randomize
