I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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