Too much gin, very little bucket
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
God, I missed his penis.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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