After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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