she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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