Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
