I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
