Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
