Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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