Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
