So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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