her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
