hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
