There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She is in my trunk
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
