We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
