my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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