its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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