i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
