everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
