tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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