Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
