I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
