i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
