Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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