Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
