i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
