I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
