Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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