Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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